Mondays
by NemoSphinx
Summary: Harry has a run in with the Sorting hat. Oh how he hates Mondays.


Harry Potter hated Monday mornings.

On Monday mornings, students shuffled to their classes in a still half-asleep daze, they half-heartedly tried to listen and, if they were anything like Harry Potter, they more than half-heartedly failed miserably. Mondays, it seemed, were always the same. However on this particular Monday, although to Harry Potter it did not seem any different, there was something rather unusual to happen. Students would talk about this particular Monday for many Mondays to come. Nonetheless, to Harry Potter, this Monday was like any other Monday. And he hated Mondays.

The thud his bag made as it met the floor was echoed by the resounding thump his forehead made as it met the table. If he closed his eyes and pretended hard enough, Harry could almost swear he was still in bed and that this fateful Monday morning was just a hazy dream.

Fate was never kind to Harry Potter.

Hermione and Ron were bickering next to him -it was a familiar argument and Harry couldn't drudge up the energy to attempt to stop them. Sometimes it seemed as if they only argued to make it up later. He couldn't understand it, and he didn't try to. Professor McGonagall rapped her wand sharply against her table to get the class's attention and Harry reluctantly pulled himself up slightly and rested his elbows on the table. Hermione, of course, was at attention within a few seconds and was hushing Ron up with a few reassuring pats and murmuring words of approval. Harry and Ron's eyes met over her head and they shared a brief smile – Hermione was…well, Hermione.

Harry turned his attention to the board and attempted to listen to McGonagall.

Gryffindor and Slytherin double Transfiguration first thing on a Monday – it just wasn't decent, Harry decided. Although Professor McGonagall was talking, Harry couldn't get his brain to wake dropped his head onto his arms and gave up all pretence of listening. Hermione shot him a look and nudged him with her elbow but Harry didn't budge an inch.

" – so if everyone would line up then we can get started." Finished Professor McGonagall, and everyone got up stretching and chatting animatedly.

Harry looked around puzzled, "What're we doing?" He asked Hermione.

"If you had been listening Harry," Hermione said pointedly to which Harry smiled feebly, "we're going to be trying on the Sorting Hat again."

Harry couldn't see any reason why he needed to put that infernal hat on his head again and voiced his question to her. The sorting hat spoke such nonsense every time he encountered it. Apart from the time he pulled the Gryffindor had from it, the only thing he ever gained from talking to this hat was a headache.

Hermione shot him an exasperated look, "We were told about this last lesson, Harry. Don't you remember?"

Harry thought back to the Friday afternoon lesson the week before but couldn't remember for the life of him what they were going to be doing. It was unfair to have transfiguration on a Friday afternoon. Oh and Monday morning, of course.

Perhaps it was Harry's feeble smile, or perhaps it was just that Ron loathed Monday mornings as much as Harry did – either way he came to Harry's rescue, "Animagus forms," he grunted.

Hermione looked at Harry expectantly.

"Oh right, the animagus forms." Harry said smiling sheepishly.

"Thank goodness you listen at least some of the time," she tutted at him.

Harry shot Ron a grin, who shrugged in return and grinned back at him.

The trio lined up near the end of the class and turned expectantly to watch the first person take the seat. It was Seamus who, eager as ever, had leapt to the front of the line with enthusiasm Harry begrudged him. He practically bounced over to the seat and McGonagall placed the Sorting Hat on his head. Although the class couldn't hear what was being said, Seamus looked thoroughly pleased when he took off the hat.

"I'm going to be a hound," he said triumphantly.

"You already hound everyone, why are you so surprised Finnegan?" One Slytherin jeered.

"None of that," said McGonagall sternly and the class' titters quietened down.

Slowly the line worked its way closer to Harry, some people pleased at their results, others disappointed when they were told they would not be able to participate in the animagus programme.

Eventually it was Harry's turn, and he took the seat a little more reluctantly than he would've cared to admit.

_Ahh…hello Mr. Potter _

"Hello…"

_Now, now, you don't sound very excited to find out about your animagus form._

"I am. What is it?" Harry didn't like talking to this hat. It always said things he'd rather not hear.

_Oh no need to be hasty Mr. Potter, now tell me, how are you enjoying Gryffindor?_

Harry groaned out loud and some people in the class whispered speculations about what they were discussing.

"Not this again."

_I stand by what I said – you would've done well in Slytherin_

"Look, I don't care okay. Just tell me my form."

_That's not very polite._

The hat was beginning to give him a headache. "Please."

_I'm doing you a favour here you know. Telling you what your form will be so you don't have to go through weeks of testing. You should be grateful._

"We'll you haven't told me yet, have you?"

_I don't like your tone Harry. _

His headache was getting worse.

"I don't like what you're saying."

_Oh really now. You think you know better?_

"I do actually yes."

The hat let out a sceptical noise.

"Are you saying you know me better than I know myself?"

_If you want to put it that way then yes I guess I am._

"You stupid, arrogant hat. Where do you get off telling me that I don't know myself?"

_I'm not listening to you anymore._

"Which Hogwarts founder did you get your childish attitude from?"

_Right that's it. I'm warning you._

"What're you going to do? Sing a song about me?" Harry scoffed.

There was silence for a minute and then the brim of the hat opened into a mouth and took a breath. The class stared at the hat.

"What're you doing?" Harry asked a little concerned.

_I warned you._

"SLYTHERIN!" The hat yelled.

Everyone in the class jumped, and then stared at Harry. The hat yelled again, "SLYTHERIN!"

Harry shook his head and said out loud, "Quit it." He took off the hat and put it on the table next to him

"Slytherin. Slytherin. Slytherin." The hat bellowed.

"Why is the hat saying Slytherin?" Malfoy asked, puzzled, voicing the question every in the class was thinking.

"Because it's stupid and vindictive," Harry scowled and shot the hat a dirty look.

"Slytherin." It said again as if it could see the look Harry was giving him.

"Shut up will you?"

"Slytherin."

"Oh for god sake this is really childish."

"Slytherin, Slytherin, Slytherin."

"Stop it!" Harry yelled, his hands clenching into fists.

The whole class stared at the hat and Harry in silence, they'd never seen the hat argue with a student before.

The hat seemed to take in a breath of air.

"Slytherin!" The hat yelled again, louder this time.

"Argh!" Harry yelled out in frustration, slamming his fist down beside it.

"Slytherin."

"No I'm not!"

"Slytherin."

"That's ridiculous."

"Slytherin."

"Would you just stop it?"

"Slytherin."

"Fucking shut up!"

"Mr. Potter," McGonagall said warningly.

"Well are you listening to this?" Harry asked gesturing to the hat. "It –Slytherin – won't – Slytherin – stop – Slytherin- WOULD YOU JUST FUCKING SHUT UP!" Harry yelled at the hat.

"Mr. Potter! Now I won't stand for that language in my-"

"Stupid fucking piece of shit. I'm going to fucking cut you up with scissors and fucking burn you, you childish, vindictive, possessed hat." Harry said slamming his hand down on the table again.

The whole class was shocked into silence.

"Slytherin." The hat said, but somewhat unsurely this time.

Harry let out a strangled cry.

From the back of the classroom someone started laughing. Harry spun to see who it was and he was momentarily stunned into silence. Draco Malfoy was clutching his stomach and howling with laughter. The laughter spread through the class. Harry just stared at them blankly. Even McGonagall managed a small laugh.

In a huff, Harry took his seat. Hermione patted his arm.

Oh yes, Harry Potter hated Monday mornings.

AN: I'd love to hear opinions :)


End file.
